I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
