Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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