I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
