Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
