I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
