ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
