dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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