Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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