thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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