This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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