i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
