a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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