Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
