I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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