I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
