Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
