thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
