i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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