It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
