Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
