I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
