I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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