You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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