So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
