R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Randomize
