ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
