Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
