She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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