fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
