I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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