Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
