it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
