Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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