textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
