how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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