You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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