My sheets look like a crime scene.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
