Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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