if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
whose ass print is on the piano?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
