I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
