He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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