Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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