in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
