I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
