I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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