Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
