I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
