No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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