How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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