i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
