I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize