The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
