She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
