so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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