Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
