god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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