So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Mom said you looked used
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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