His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize