in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
