I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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